Lightbulb Joke

I like to hang out in the Google Webmaster Help forum. It’s a great resource, but some of the people you come across there are, well, a bit “special”. In their honour I posted this answer to the question…

How many webmaster help posters does it take to change a light bulb?


1 to point out that the lightswitch should be returning a 404 http code while the bulb is dead
1 to say that he read in a forum somewhere that Google penalises dead light bulbs
1 to insist that the light bulb is working really, but there’s a conspiracy by Google to keep us in the dark
1 to offer to link to the light bulb once it’s working
1 to say “never mind light bulbs, why doesn’t Google index strip clubs?”
1 to say that he read on a newsgroup somewhere that Google prefers dead light bulbs
1 to point out that not being able to be lit is a breach of the the standards for light bulbs
1 to claim that Google doesn’t care about lightbulb standards anyway
1 to say oh yes they do!
1 to say oh no they don’t!
1 to wonder why the bulb’s gone out when it has been working fine for 10 years
1 to rule them all, one ring to bind them (sorry, dozed off for a minute there)
1 to suggest you 301 the lightswitch to a bulb which works
1 to observe that the light bulb works better on Yahoo!
1 to ask how long you’ve been running the light bulb
1 to suggest submitting a request to the electric company to make the bulb work again
1 to insist that the bulb work work fine if those ******s at DMOZ would only list it
1 to ask whether anybody else was using the light bulb before
1 to wonder why the Google site in Outer Mongolia is still showing the bulb as lit
1 to suggest that if there’s nothing interesting to look at when then bulb’s switched on, there’s no point in changing it
1 to demand that Matt Cutts drops everything and comes and changes the lightbulb
1 to insist that Matt Cutts should be sacked for not having changed the bulb already
1 to point out that they’ve seen lots of crappier light bulbs which still work
1 to suggest buying “lit lightbulb” in adwords
1 to wonder why they can’t verify the lightbulb
1 to demand Google add a tool to Webmaster Tools for changing lightbulbs
1 to link to the last time we discussed lightbulbs
1 to point out that this is the wrong forum in which to discuss lightbulbs
1 to say that the bulb would work better if it had a site map
1 to say that the bulb would work better if it didn’t have a site map
1 to ask “what’s a site map?”
1 to say Google is penalising small businesses by not changing their lightbulbs for them
1 to point out that the <meta relight-after> tag doesn’t work
1 to add that <meta name=”keywords” value=”lit”> doesn’t work either
1 to suggest that your robots.txt is denying light to everyone
1 to wonder if the lightbulb would work better if you added a www. to it
1 to threaten to sue Google if the light bulb doesn’t start working NOW! (class action suit, anybody?)
1 to warn people to be wary of dodgy lightbulb optimisers
1 to say that lightbulbs are rubbish, what you really want is a candle

The poor lightbulb never gets changed

I should probably have added another two to make the answer up to “42”.

Matt Cutts liked it anyway.

2 Responses to “Lightbulb Joke”

  1. JohnMu Says:

    I hope you continue to enjoy it & stick around a bit :). I loved the joke!

  2. Susan Moskwa Says:

    I laughed so much over this, and I continue to refer my friends to it. Way to capture the essence of an online forum. 😉

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